Do you have Encouragers or Enforcers for paras?

When I am struggling to do something I know I should do, but I don't want to put out the effort to get it done, do I want a friend who is an enforcer or a friend who is an encourager?  I must admit, come at me as an enforcer and I will probably not do what you want, and our relationship will suffer as well.

I am seeing para/student interactions that (from an observers view) look like wheels spinning on ice.  I wonder if considering the roles of encouragers or enforcers can help us get on track for helping students. If you are a para supervisor, reflect on encouragement and enforcement, and think about whether your behaviors and expectations guide your paras on the path you want.

Imagine the "BEST paras ever"... you know, the ones that calm a kid with just a quiet reminder or a hug.  A student always leaves the presence of these paras in a better frame of mind.  When I think of these paras, I think of encouragers.  They are consistently giving quiet, calm encouragement throughout the day and in many settings.  They truly understand the golden power of having a 6+:1 positive to negative ratio and pile on the positives to offset any correction that might come to this student as he or she tries to navigate the school day. Without even thinking, they model for a student how to react when they are disappointed, how to keep trying when something is hard, how to use kind words when frustrated.

If you are struggling with a student, consider the hat you are wearing.  If you are wearing the "Enforcer" hat, you are trying to force a student to do something.  An enforcer is frequently heard calling a student's name, repeating directions over and over in a short time frame, tapping on a paper or on the table to signal that a student needs to be back on task.  An enforcer uses words with a student such as, "You can do better than this." "What is wrong with you  today?" "Your teacher (or friends) are going to be so unhappy with you." You know you will miss recess if you don't finish." "You won't like the consequences if you keep this up." An enforcer usually gives off an aura of being in a hurry.  If you are hearing these words come from your mouth, feeling the pressure of making your student comply and you are not seeing the compliance you are trying to force, take a step back.  Can you take off your enforcer hat and put on your encourager hat?

What does encouragement sound like?  "How can I help you get started?" "Thank you for waiting quietly. Were you able to think about how to get started?"  "I see you've gotten started.  How can I help with the next step."  "I'm seeing that you understand..... so let me explain.... again so you can move on." "Sometimes I am frustrated too.  I am going to ..... (a calming technique, which you model instead of telling them what to do.  They will mimic after a short time if you model and don't nag.)."  "Making mistakes shows me you are trying." "When you feel me touch your shoulder, you will know you are doing a good job." An encourager understands that time is on their side, and rushing will derail the progress.

I am sure you and your team can brainstorm many more examples of enforcement vs encouragement.  Think about how you would react differently to the enforcer or the encourager.  When you hear the words of the enforcer coming out of your mouth, think about taking that hat off.  Put on your encourager smile and step back in.