BUILDING BRIDGES....

LISTEN... just listen. 
A parent of some former students of mine reminded me today of
how sweet it is when "that kid" finds success in the real world.  As
I reflect on keys to that success, it reminds me of bridge building. As
teachers, we often feel rushed when dealing with students who are agitated.
We become agitated ourselves and don't think through our next steps.  When
I watch some of the "child whisperers" I know de-escalate an agitated student,
I see them listening, intently listening to what the student is saying.  We hear
about the importance of building relationships, and there are some great ideas
on how to do so, such as 2X10 - taking 2 minutes a day for 10 days to get to
know a student, or complimenting a student on something non-academic for a
month to make a connection.  But more importantly, take the time to listen
when they are upset. Every time we listen we put stones on the bridge...
cementing the relationship. Every time we must correct a child, a stone
comes off, but if we correct respectfully, it is just one stone.  If we also lose
control, it becomes a bridge bashing, and it is so hard to get the bridge
rebuilt. 

Back to those students who are now out in the real world... I remember
trusting them before they trusted me, telling them I did, and letting them know I
expected them to live up to that trust.  One example is when J told me he needed to
stand alone outside the school door to cool down.... I let him do so, just glancing
his way through a window,  and he always did. Another is when S told me he would
do work later if I gave him 20 minutes to finish reading, I said OK, and he always did. 

Ask how you can help a student, and really listen with an open heart.  They may
not be able to express their needs,  but they will know you care.  That will lead you to
a better path for them and you might even get an apology 5 years later... "Tell Mrs. Herndon
I'm sorry for all the times I gave her fits."  That brought a chuckle, but seeing
"that kid" graduate with honors.... warmed my heart.